imbroglio-

Power in the word.

“The more you love someone, the more they can use it against you.”
Love is a powerful tool.
Becareful who you decide to give it to.
To some, they see it as leverage.

The girl who doesnt know what she wants, but somehow knows who.

I needed you.
Right there and then.
All you could say way “I can’t”.

Hands tied behind my back, i had to give you up.
I didnt think you’d disappoint me.
I guess i had it coming.
You’re just like “them”.
Though you proclaim of “gentleman traits”,
you’re just like them.

I guess today is the day.
i lost my “Unicorn”.
I knew it was coming, i saw it coming.
you wont even take the time to say hi anymore.
i get it.
It’s probably cause i’m fat, ugly and damaged.
but i dont deserve to be treated this way.
Maybe its true what they say,
not every man deserves or knows how to love a “Queen-sized doll”.
moreover someone as damaged as i am.

A friend once asked “What was it that happened to you, that caused you to be so damaged?”
I dont know. i dont know the root of all my “pain”.
when i’ve figured it out, i hope she’s still there to reply.

I dont need to be in a relationship with you.
i know its not what you want.
and its too big a step for me to take.
i only want to be with you.
I only want the things you’d wanted.
i have never been able to say i love you to a man,
but with you, i could die a thousand times with it.
Gosh, too much drama in my words.
i never wanted anything/anyone this much.

These said. 
I’m walking away.
Its the only way to savage my sanity,
only way to find out what it is i truly deserve.
maybe i’ll find me another type of “Unicorn”.

Perhaps, Perhaps, Perhaps.

Do you believe in Angels?

Thru the course of my actions and persistence,
i seem to have lost him.
i am not the most patient person you’ll ever know.
But with him, i’ve learnt patience.
I’m taught to shelf my feelings cause of someone who doesnt have time for me/ chooses to shut me out.

I’m not someone who goes down without a fight.
Like a laden soldier, laden w emotional baggage,
I understand loneliness, i get emptiness.
I wont stand for being ignored.
I cant.
I concede. Defeat.
We could have been an epic love.
But i’m not hanging on to the what could have beens no more.
I’m walking away.
I deserve someone who’ll treat me with ample tenderness.

I go back to the 1st time,
i told myself, who i didn’t want to become.
While he went round breaking young girls’ hearts,
I remained.
Questioning my existence.
“Nevermore” said the Raven.

Do you believe in Angels.
Do you know if God was one of us?
I was touched by an Angel.
The best poetic manner i could describe this part of the dream.
An Angel sent to “wake” me up, from my self destructive ways.
I couldn’t  have come this far this past yr without the knowledge of having my Angel.

Sometimes, the loudest laughters, have the loneliest hearts.
The prettiest eyes, have the most pain.
I’m done.
I cannot have him in my dreams every alternate weeks,
cannot go on having big love for him,
while he remains cold.
He chose it this way.
i wont contest no more.

P.S.
I love you, but i have to go.
I must learn how to love myself.
not you.
Thankyou, my Angel.